boo

:(

happy 5 months baby. they’ve been wonderful. i am thankful we have the love and strength and opportunity to stay together for this long. even though it seems like we are little babies in relationship years, it still means a lot to me. and that is a long time. this month passed by so fast :) i love you baby…. you are mine :) i still and do forever will fall more in love with you everyday. i am really happy with you. you make me happy. i hope i make you happy too. i’m not sure what to do without you when you leave… scary thought… i’ll try to make it. my hardest. i will try my hardest for you baby… i haven’t been the strongest for the both of us lately…i’ve been really weak…because you make me really weak.i always thought nothing could affect me as much as you can. thats how i know i’m head over heels for you :)

lets go on a date for our 5 months tomorrow k? we need to take a break from this week. bleehh. so how about we have our little date on the beach with jacks in the box and all that good stuff? kiss me on the cheek and give me that beautiful smile when you accept k? if you don’t check this before then..i’m going to remind u. ;)

i love you i love you i love you.

i look at my entries before and they always seem to have some kind of clear thought or theme…..but now i want to blog about what my thoughts are and i can’t find the words for ANYTHING. sigh you make me so crazy i can’t even THINK.

3 more long trecherous days…

hate it when you leave :( but i guess i’ll give you sometime… i can be suffocating sometimes especially those times where you realy want to get away from me. but if i give you your space you might think that i don’t care…but i think about you every second. sometimes as mad as i get i just look at you and want to hug you and kiss you. its not like im trying to pretend nothing is wrong…but its just better than being away from each other. even when youre right next to me its hard. sometimes i don’t know what to do anymore ..and then when you come back i know exactly what i want. is to be with you again. sometimes you ask me why i keep asking you if you know i love you, it’s because sometimes i don’t think you know how much i do. maybe the picture can describe it best,

kari-shma:

7:12 am - Seattle from Kerry Park Sunday Morning. (via Cap’n Surly)

hmm one day my love :)

i always like to start my little blogs with a picture..but sometimes i can never find the right one so i’m just scrolling through 10 pages and no picture really stands out to me or reflects whats on my mind. but then once in a while i get lucky and a picture like this shows up and definitely describes my feelings right now. except the piece needs to be alot bigger…….like half of the heart. :)

i know you don’t think i miss you, but i miss you so much. and it really does take a lot for me to miss someone…or for that matter to actually love someone. when i love someone its actually a big step for me to acknowledge and say because once i love…i will always love…and i can’t imagine losing it because i will go crazy and probably can’t even function.and i wouldn’t even try to think about it because it will depress me, so i really try not to let those things get to me… i really don’t think i could live without you :(the only reason why i am okay right now bc i know for sure i will see u again the next day. i can’t even think about when its more than a day…an hr already does kill me after all..let alone…120 days?

if i cant have you ill be single for the rest of my life :(

“so im sailing through the sea, to an island where we’ll meet…”

gosh sometimes things in life get so hard and at the end of the day i just wana go home and lay down with you. and suddenly everything gets better. like if you were sick and you take some magical cold medicine that makes your sickness go away. i guess when i was by myself i never knew the feeling of comfort of holding on to someone you love so much…i guess that goes with the saying if you never had it you don’t miss it..but when you do..you miss it like no other.

so what do you do when you can’t do all those things or spend anytime together? i try my best not to think of it, but sometimes when it hits me, i get a feeling of restlessness and i can’t do anything else bc i’m like sad or something….it’s so frustrating bc i can’t do anything about it…ever.

but i cant help to sneak a hug or touch you or steal a kiss…

:)

hmm i wonder why i dream about beach/water so much. and whenever i do dream about it, theres some kind of actual feeling or attachment i have with it. like im really familiar with whats happening. but then i usually drown at the end, bc of a very big tsunami wave. kind of scary. so either the beach was a really important part of my past life or thats where i died. lol also i always dream im lost in a mall or im driving on a freeway and im completely lost!  maybe my fears. but someone will find me..i think :)

anywayyysss gosh lately there has been so much on my mind i dont even know where to begin. mostly kind of stressful stuff…i hope things pick up. school also started and i’ve been kind of whatever about that.  maybe because its the beginning. but yeah, most of the stressful stuff is bc of financial matters and people. i would say theyre two seperate things but the monies involve people.and people involve monies. :( im actually really happy ive saved up money…in such cases like these that i thought wouldnt happen, but you never know kind of thing… but its still really hard. so first i have to lend my brother money which is fine bc he does need a car, and its a family matter….i would like to say he would do the same. and im not really afraid he wont pay me back. but i just kind of need all the money i can have right now bc i have to save up for the future and bc of the rent at the apartment too. sighhhhhhhh. but then thats another story.

im actually really worried with how that will work out. i really want her to move out but on the other hand i need the money. so i have to choose how to approach the situation wisely. everything is really awkward, and honesltyyyyyyy i just want my peace with my special someone. but i can’t help to feel bad that she feels “left out”, but then again, not like she invited me to a bunch of things and i rejected. but feeling left out is a horrible feeling, so i am a little surprised she brought that up. and all along i thought she didn’t care…sigh. maybe this is why i always try to stay away from being too close to people. i really hate drama and stuff.

sometimes i think what matters most is your love and family. nothing is ever for sure with friends. my mom always told me that when she was young… friends was like everything to her but everyone begins to drift apart with their own life, work, job and family so that even keeping in touch is a hassle now, or even a burden. i believe that, but on the other hand i think friends are important, but with a special moment in your life. even if you dont have the same special friendship as you did before…they still made a special impact or changed your life in someway. bc i dont think those kind of things can last forever…but you never know…i just feel like when it comes down to it you want someone with a closer bond and just someone to share everything with, aka your other half. it matters who you come home to and wana have a future with.=) so this is why im beginning to see how a lover can take over your world.and bc you want them to ;)